Following the 2018 NFL NFC championship game, then New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees appeared on a sports talk show. Undoubtedly, the topic of discussion was a missed call late in the game by NFL referees — a call that could have likely changed the fates of both teams, thereby sending the Saints — not the Rams — to Super Bowl 53.
While disclosing his thoughts on the missed call, Brees divided his coping mechanism for such heartbreaking defeat in two halves. The first half involves worrying about the things he can control. The other half involves not worrying about things he cannot control, such as officiating by NFL referees.
The concept of not worrying about what one cannot control is nothing new under the sun. Yet still, the human psyche is hardwired to seek absolute control – particularly control over all that is unattainable, untamable, or both. Furthermore, when seeking to coral what is unattainable or wanting to tame what is untamable, such pursuits yield the need for perfectionism.
Why?
Because each of us will try to put their best foot forward to win what we deem ultra-grandiose. The more elusive the prize, the harder we try to seize the coveted trophy. For said reason, most of us we will do anything to hoist the coveted trophy, thus unknowingly adopting the trait of perfectionism. But unbeknownst to the human psyche concerning this matter, the odds are stacked against us, as there are some things we cannot control or tame.
In the sphere of everyday communication, the same rules apply – there things one can control, and things one cannot control. When talking to people, what introverts can control is the selection of words we unleash from our mouths. What we cannot control is how our words will make people feel. Yes, we would all like to deliver meaningful rhetoric to impress and influence our listeners — so much that some of us will work overtime to craft the perfect punchline or say little to nothing for fear of flawed discourse. Thus, in everyday conversation, for introverts, perfectionism is also ever-present, but on both ends of the spectrum of achievement, as in Overachievement and Underachievement.
Perfectionism and Overachievement
I know many introverts who have experienced episodes of communicative paralysis when seeking the right words to say. Example: when a guy tries hard to impress a lady, or when a lady tries hard to impress a guy. Beautiful ladies and handsome gentlemen, each of us has gone to extreme lengths to impress alleged Very Important People (VIP) such as CEOs, professors, celebrities, our peers, and the darlings of our eyes. And let’s be honest — the harder we tried to impress VIP, the sentences we vomited unto our listener(s) were both awkward and incoherent.
Undoubtedly, the moments I have referenced are uneasy and yield embarrassing actions like tripping over your own words, stumbling over your feet, or flat-out kissing ass. Earlier, I said, “We have control over the words unleashed from our mouths.” But, when we try too hard to say the right thing – i.e. adherence to perfectionism and overachieving – we lose control over proper word selection and ultimately fail to accomplish the objective: communicating verbally.
Next week I’ll kick things off by discussing Perfectionism and Underachievement. Until then, thank you for reading this post; I’ll see you soon.
Kind regards,
Joshua
